Men's Center's New Moderator Brings Despair

by Gilligan Zyland

D. Sparrow Snodgrass, longtime community recidivist and avid participant of the male movement, has reluctantly taken on the position of Program Coordinator of the John Wayne Bobbitt Men's Center. Although only working at the University for the last 24 years, he has already taken the Men's Center to new depths of loathing and will continue to do so throughout the remainder of the fall semester.

D. earned his bachelor's degree from Beaver College in management with a minor in utopian philosophy and a master's degree in speech pathology from the University of Hawaii, so it was quite a surprise when he returned to Scranton to try to get a job at the University. He was hired as a secretary at a time when women held all the jobs of secretary. His job description was rewritten seven times and he had to type the job descriptions out in triplicate.

From the time D. was a young boy, he had a very strong male role model: his father. His father always stressed the necessity of receiving a good board of education. His father was not only a man of wood but also of steel and proved his strength by earning the coveted SUPARINPEI 6th Dan Black Belt in karate. His father was a source of great despair for D., providing him with an example of life-loathing and a commitment to social decay.

"I wish to bring the same life-loathing to the students here at the University, " D. said.

For years, D. has devoted time and energy to various community outreach programs. For the past 10 years he has been a tax consultant for ACORN, the Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now, the nation's largest community organization of low and moderate income families.